I hadn't been out to the hives before, so to start off she gave me a lesson in what she called "bee yard etiquette." She reminded me that the world was really one big bee yard, and the same rules worked fine in both places: Don't be afraid, as no life-loving bee wants to sting you. Still, don't be an idiot; wear long sleeves and long pants. Don't swat. Don't even think about swatting. If you feel angry, whistle. Anger agitates, while whistling melts a bee's temper. Act like you know what you're doing, even if you don't. Above all, send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved.

...i don't know where this is going to go.
i randomly remembered livejournal today and started reading a bunch of people's shit... not many people actually update anything anymore. i stopped because i started focusing more on keeping a real journal, and the things that i ended up writing are a lot more meaningful and frank than anything i've ever written on here... that's the problem with the internet, you can't say everything you're really feeling because there's always someone that you don't want reading it. and even though there's no reason why they would ever be creeping on your lj, you censor yourself.

hmmm. when i started writing that paragraph i thought there would be a point to it.. oh well.

i don't even want to really update you guys (being whoever reads this [being probably.. no one] on my life... those of you who need to know what's going on and i feel no need to put that shit on the internet.

thinking of happier things, allie is home and there is no words to describe how amazing it is. i've been hanging out with her soo much, now after what happened on saturday i'm scared that i basically won't see her anymore... she's one of the most amazing people in my life and one of my healthiest relationships, i can't even think about losing her.. the way i lost mel, and sarah, and basically all of my camp friends..

i'm staying at aunt jen's now for a number of reasons, i wasn't altogether stoked on the idea but it's a sweet set up, first of all i LOVE her, and Tallulah, and Payton is really chill and her son is ADORABLE. and i've got the basement to myself, bed, couch, dvd player, jen gave me her laptop.. it's more comfortable than i was at home.

apparently my mum is coming back on friday... we'll see how that goes. to be honest, i'm really not that hopeful. nanny said she spoke to her and she sounded good... but of course she did... considering where she is i wouldn't expect her to sound anything but good. we'll see what happens when she comes home and is back in her own environment... i really don't expect much.

so much for not updating on my life eh. oh well. i should go to bed now, i have to work tomorrow... afternoon...

i realize there is still almost 2 months left of the year, but i'm bored, and lurking around on lj i found this shiaaat that tommy did for 2007 and thought it would be funnnnnn! who knows, maybe i'll do it again at the end of the year and see what changed. probs not though. oh well. here we go!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

-found a dirt road on the way to montreal
-partied with ben
-worked at camp
-gone a whole summer without going on trip </33 2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don't think i made any... not that i can remember anyways. next year... who knows. it's too early to think about that shit 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? noope 4. Did anyone close to you die? yeah, grandnan. ben marsters, he wasn't close to me, but he was in my canfam class. 5. What countries [regions] did you visit? montreal camp cambridge.. nothing exciting. i never left the country. hull. 6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? a boy 7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory and why? august 17th- grandnan dies/ben turns 19 jan 3- ben m. dies june 23-prom 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? graduation 9. What was your biggest failure? ...going back to school. camp. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? all i can think of is the cut on my foot right now. 11. What was the best thing you bought? bus tickets 12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? allie my cousins nanny and momo 13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? my mum, julia near the beginning of the year 14. Where did most of your money go? drinking 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? going to camp, wicked, my birthday but that's still to come 16. What songs will always remind you of 2006? just dance 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a)happier or sadder? sadder b) thinner or fatter? fatter c) richer or poorer? richer 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? exercise, traveling 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? can't think of anything 20. How will you be spending Christmas [and New Year's Eve!]? christmas will be a maternal family affair at nanny's, like every year new years, hopefully margaret will be coming to ottawa 21. Did you fall in love in 2008? no, i wish 22. How many one night stands? none. 23. What were your favorite TV programs? the hills 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? julia 25. What was the best book you read? the book of negroes 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? ohh so many 27. What did you want and get? not sure 28. What did you want and not get? i can't think of anything 29. What was your favorite film of this year? i don't remembeeeeeer. 30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? hasn't happened yet... im turning 18 and going to montreal 31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? moving out, camp not getting fucked up, my mum not getting fucked up 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? i dont know 33. What kept you sane? allie, some of my family, margaret, sam battaglia 34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? i don't know this is getting boring haha 35. What political issue stirred you the most? THE NEW PRESIDENT IS BLAAACK! hahahah. i wish allie read this shit. 36. Who did you miss? marg and sam when i wasn't at camp, allie when she was away 37. Who was the best new person you met? i didn't meet many 38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008? be realistic about which of your relationships are actually healthy for you 39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: i dont know.

mr turner challenged us to come up with ten things that are absolutely morally wrong all the time. Someone said rape, and he countered by saying that in (whatever country) rape is used as a weapon in war and you could consider this justification. I said that war is always unjustified, and he said that people are going to challenge that and talk about the holocaust (even though they're wrong?) and say that it justified the second world war. I said that i don't think that even that is morally right and he asked if i really wouldn't fight to save 6 million lives and i said no i don't think that i would.
Kirsten fucking Skuce comes back with "AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THE 6 MILLION, RIGHT?!"
i look at her like "what the fuck?" and say no...
and jacques says WHY?
and everyone is FREAKING OUT
and jacques says WHY?
a combination of pms and being too shy for that class freaked me out, i got extremely overwhelmed and couldn't even formulate sentences so i sat there, scared shitless while jacques continued to demand WHY? mr turner was obviously waiting for an answer, i couldn't just sit there in silence. but all that would come out of my mouth was I DONT KNOW, and i burst into tears. i sat there crying for the rest of the class (about ten minutes).

i hate that i couldn't put my thoughts into words. i DO know why i think that. in both situations (the holocaust and war) mass amounts of humans are being slaughtered by their own kind. it's simply a matter of magnitude- i don't believe that either of them are every morally justifiable. they're essentially two versions of the same evil.

so FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU kirsten and jacques.

marg-tron
SO AMAZING SEEING YOU. i cant even believe im home right now. GAY. guess what. i missed my first train(from oakville to toronto) because i am le super stupide and was apparently straight up guessing about the times. my train was in fact leaving from oakville at 1:23, and not 3:00, as i, evidently, assumed.

so what did i do? i panicked of course. my first thought was to call you but i had lost your numbers somewhere. so i called my dad collect and i was like WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO?! and he was like um... i dont know... try to get to toronto some other way and take a later train to ottawa. and i was like hmm... okay. so then a very kind stranger told me to take the go and showed me where to get a ticket, and where to get on the train, etc. she really was very nice. so i waited about half an hour, then finally got on it, then was completely unimpressed with the service (ie it took a really long time and i was getting really stressed out and was on the verge of tears). FINALLY i get to union, where i get off and then have nooo idea where to go to get to any kind of VIA anything, and i am completely surrounded by go train this and go train that. so after about 45 minutes of being completely lost and crying (there is no feeling that i hate more than that of being lost), i FINALLY find the "elevator 2" that will allegedly take me to where i need to be. well, it did, thank god. but there was no one at the information booth to tell me if i needed to buy a new ticket or not. so i say "hey. fuck it. i need to get home, i guess i'll just buy a new ticket". so i wait in the ticket line for a while, and finally a nice old mna behind the counter tells me that he can serve me. and just for the sake of asking, i asked if i had to buy a new ticket. and he said that of course i didn't, and in fact he would refuind me $7.00 because i didn't take the train from oakville. HOW LUCKY WAS I?! so i get all that shit sorted out and then try to call my mum to tell her that im going to be later than i thought i was. but then i was told that "at the customers request, something something, you cant make collect calls to this phone" and i was like FUCK MY LIFE. so i called my dad and told him to call my mum and tell herm, and then just hoped that everything would be ok. and it was, other than my train being an hour late due to snow.

as a result of my journey, i am TOTES tired. the end.

shit
i didnt go to school
i had my world issues summative
fuck
fuckckkkckckkk

finally got around to emailing ODG. ashley suggest i tell him that my goals are to have a second child and kick my heroin habit. and that i want to develop life long relationships with my campers and have their babies. here's what i finally came up with:

Dear Dave,
    Thank you so much for inviting me to join the staff team for next summer! I am more than happy to accept the invitation, and I'm already counting down the days.
As for my goals for next summer, I want to expand on the leadership skills that I acquired in the LIT program. I want to provide my campers with the same amazing experiences that my counselors provided for me. I want to improve on my skills at activities, and ensure that campers have a fun, safe time at them.

Once again, thank you for the invitation, and aswell for making the summer of 2007 a great one, let's make next year even better!


Sincerely,
Nora

margaret helped me with the last line. i said that he really didnt impact my lit summer and if anything he made me uncomfortable. however, i decided not to include that in the letter.

i can't wait for camp.

i hate that i have to lie about this. its so fucking hard. arrrhghggkhuhkgjdhfjsdhfskjhfjkshjfks.MAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRHH.


i dont want to go to school tomorrow.

moowwrrhghgigah.
people came over last night for birthday thiiiingss... me Ashley and Allie made dinner... it was disgusting. haha, oh well. better luck next time i guess. but yeah then Melissa came and Ana and Megan, it was funtimes. once people left and it was just me megan and melissa it was soo chills. i love those girls. well i love all of them.. but it was nice to just get to bond with those ones. we spent alot of time looking at old elmwood/lisgar yearbooks and reading people's grad writeups and trying to get inspiration. now im not sure how i feel about mine. all of the elmwood ones said the same thing, they were all thanking their parents and teachers and siblings. they were really boring. but yeah i don't know then megan told me that Sandra Sharpe died and like i got so upset. It was weird. Like I never knew her. I was in grade 9 when she graduated.. I hadn't even heard of her until they told the whole school she was sick in grade 9. And like, it was just weird because like all this time she's been fighting that and i haven't even thought about her. Like I cried for a while when Meg told me but it was so weird because I never spoke to her. I don't even know how to explain it. It was just really upsetting.
After that all the conversations were kind of downers, but it was good talking about shit.. I don't know. It wasn't depressing it felt good. But then by the time we got to bed at like around 3 we were so tired and silly and it was funnytimes for a while and then we all passed out.
This morning me and Megan met Kat for breakfast, Melissa stayed at my house to read stuff for philosphy/try on all my clothes hahaha.
We got back from breakfast and watched the OC, Megan got picked up and me and Melissa went for pedicures- amazing experience.
Now I have to shower and get dressed for Gordon&Alex's christmas party, which im not really stoked on at all.
Oh well, it's short.
peace marboo. have fun in oakville.

40 of the MOST Spontaneous Questions Ever, BE HONEST

1. What do you want for your Birthday?
oh my god i dont know. that is such a stressful question.

2. Who will be your next kiss?
i have no idea

3. When is the last time you went to the mall?
umm...probably friday.

4. Are you wearing socks right now?
no way you crazy

5. When was the last time you went out?
yesterday to k-town

6. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
no i really want to see across the universe though

7. What was the last thing you had to drink?
apple juice

8. What are you wearing right now?
green bean outfit.

9. What was your last purchase?
dinner in dimes

10. Last meal eaten?
pizza

11. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
maja called yesterday to ask about law

12. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
no. i wish

13. Do you have a pet?
bunny and a gecko

14. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
ringette?

15. What’s the most played song on your iTunes?
hahahhahaa. you dont want to know.

16. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
camp

17. What is the last thing you purchased online?
nothing

18. One thing you hate about yourself?
who wants to think about that

19. What’s your favorite soup?
cream of celery

20. Do you miss anyone?
always.

21. Last play you saw?
no idea

22. What are your plans for the day?
bed after this

23. Last person you msg’d?
carrie

24. Ever go to camp?
obviously

25. Were you an honor roll student in school?
never

26. What do you know about the future?
its coming and im not ready for it

27. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
nope
28. Where are your best friends located?
at home. probably doing homework or in bed.

29. Do you have a tan?
nope

30. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
dont talk to me

31. Who was the first person who made you cry?
i have NO idea

32. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
my nose

32. Have you ever drank your pop from a straw?
yes?

33. How do you like your pop?
cold.

34. Do you like hot sauce?
noooooooooo

35. Next time you’ll take a shower?
tomorrow morning

36. What’s the last movie you saw at home?
thinner

37. What is your current mood?
tired

38. Are you someone’s best friend?
yes

39. Have you ever been to Virginia?
no

40. What are you doing right now?
thissss

i really really hate life recently. except tonight, i have been talking to margaret for 2 hours and its been the best thing of my life. actually, she is soooo wonderful and i miss her. alot. MARGARETTTTTTTTTTT come back into my life.

toronto.. a month ago? ish. best weeend of my life. i haven't been on livejournal in a really long time and i feel the need to write about that weekend.
so friday i took the train down and got in at around 9. i met sarah at the station and we SCREAMED and yelled and it was a really really beautiful reunion and i would do anything to live that moment again. and we were just so full of hugs and smiles and "eeee!"s /i was running on straight adrenaline and i dont really remember much of the first 3 minutes. but then we held hands and got on the subway and went to her house and talked about our first month at school and how much we miss camp and everything. we got to her house (BEAUTIFUL house, so cute, her neighbourhood is like out of a storybook)and chilled for maybe 15 minutes and then went back out to the video store because we wanted to rent knocked up, but it was all out. so we got what women want, and some really necessary snacks. we put on the movie, but weren't really paying attention to it.. at all, too busy loving eachother/having a wicked photoshoot (cotumes and all... the self-timer was really key. eventually (at like 3) we fell asleep. cuddling, of course.
we woke up at like 11 on saturday and had cinnamon buns and tea for breakfast, and then we called mel but she wasn't home. so we showered, got ready, etc and then tried calling mel again, but no dice. rachel called though, and i talked to her for a bit.
FINALLY we got a hold of mel and then went to her house (again, beautiful, holy shit) for more amazing reuniontimes. lots more screaming/near tears. plus i got to see melissa argiros again which was really good, i missed her. but yeah, we dropped our shit off and hung out for a little bit and then we went out shopping. we all bought clothes at urban outfitters and then went to american apparel and starbucks, and then back to mels. we got ready there, ie like hair and makeup, which was SO fun, me and mel worked as a team to straigten sarah's hair, which looked BEAUTIFUL and mel helped me with my makeup and we all put on our new clothes and took a bucn of pictures, then we made a bumpin playlist to be played at the party, which i finally got from mel like 2 weeks ago and is amazing to dance to.
her parents made us an amazing dinner and we set off for jacob's.
mel was being a little stupid about directions and in the end it was NORA who lives in OTTAWA who ended up navigating the three of us through the dark streets of toronto to his house. thank god for me. the party was AMAZING. soo amazing to see everybody. well, not everyone was there, but alotttt of people. ben bookbinder and mitch showed up randomly too, which was a little weird but whatever. and mel's friend came and so did brody. but like none of the "guests" were like.. out of place. well i guess technically they were but it wasnt weird.
eventually i ended up getting really mad at mel for a stupid reason, then she got way too drunk and had to be taken home and then so did i and sarah took amazing care of me, what the hell would i do without her. also pope was being really nice to me when i was out on the lawn, which i really appreciated. i got a little emotional in the cab, but whatever, it was inevitable.
i ended up sleeping on top of guitar hero and breaking my shirt, but no big deal, all was well in the end.
in the morning we realized that i left my train ticket at mel's house so we had to go back to get it. i was SOOOOO hungover and all i wanted was water. i was dying in the subway station and on the subway and on the walk to mel's. then we got there and i downed like 3 glasses of it. (right after we left mel's we realized that sarah had her nalgene in her bag the whole time.. oh well <3). but it was good to get to see mel again, and actually say goodbye, and stuff.
eventually we went to the station and had to say goodbye, which was really hard, but it had to happen at some point i guess.
the train was brutal, i was still so hungover and did not feel good at all. i got back to ottawa and hated life.
the end. i still hate life.
for reasons of missing that weekend, and lit'ohseven, and outback, and kandalore, and everything.
and for other reasons.
but the camp one is definitely big. i realize it doesnt sound like much but it really is.
and now im listening to camp songs. ohhh nooo.
my staff/no staff letter should be coming soon... bahhh. im sooo nervous. what if i dont get in.
no. sh. i cant think about that.
peace.

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soo im in marketing. i just finished part 2 of my exam. fuck that was easy. you could have written it, never having gone to marketing, and gotten at least like an 80% on it. siiicccckk guy. then next period i have my last math summative. its the dumb units though, and i forgot my calculator AGAIIIN.
i had breakfast this morning and now i feel sick
my mother now has the chicken pox as well as rohan.

me and kaila are throwing them in a glass box and feeding them like guinea pigs.

my skin is soft
im wearing a dress
i need shorts sooo badly.

i put my hurr up today too.

OMGOMGOMG last night at work britt had to call someone named Edeltard. and like, usually when we get names like that we just ask for like the lady of the house or something ghey ilike that because we dont want to laugh on the phone. or we just dont call them. and i was like omg are you calling. and she's like yeah man im doing it. i need to know how its pronounced. and it was like, eedeltard. ahaaaaaaaaaa. best thing of my liiiiffffeeee.
i got pictures developed, they suck. i was disappointed.
shiittt! i forget to get nacho money today. damn. tomorrow.

im going to rock junction today with brittnaayboo to find new jewelleryfor ma lip.

7 minutes. this is the first time in a while that i haven't left class and gone to comtech. i bet mr grills is missing me hardcore.
 in the shower last night i was thinking of HC words. i came up with
hard core
hot chocolate
and hot&cold (that's where it started, i was looking at the tap)

ok mr italiano i letting us go early. 
PEACE

really wicked pictures that you're gonna love.

today was decennnnnnnnnnt.
brendan actually managed to get to the bus on time today. then he got the perfect drink (chai frappuccino) which i introduced to him, and i was insanely jeal. got to school late, couldn't bring myself to go to marketing, so i went to comtech and bonded with melissa and amal. went to math, kicked the test's ass (kind of), finished my cats and mice assignment FINALLLYYY fuck. 
then i had lunch with alex! which was really nice cause i hadn'tn spoken to her in sooo long and i miss that lady.
history, whatever.
then i talked to ms seiers and ms henderson about co-op next year
and then i went outside to sit on a bench and sarah witiuk sat with me and then melissa and blaire came arounddd because their class was cancelled. so we bonded.

me and melissa decided that we were going to be sophisticated and intellectual and normal for a day. it wasn't going so well so i told her to tell me an intellectual joke. this is what i got:
what did the.........accountant... say to the........prime minister
i dont know melissa, what?
"hello, good friend"

hahahha. i love it. yuzzzzz. then the whole idea kind of went to shit when she handed jordan a piece of paper that said "eat shit" hahaha. loveya.

afterschool me melissa erin saunders and emma went to confeddy and melissa and emma smoked but i couldnt because i had to go to work, and hahahahahahah melissa is the funniest person i know. sooo many hilarious hilarious things. and emma picked up a piece of bird shit because she thought it was ash. hhahahaa. she was like "LOOK ALL THIS JUST FELL OFF" i was like no, emma, thats bird poo. and she didnt believe me. and when she realized that i was right she was all ike EWW EW EW EW EW.
soooooo funny.

then work, meh. brittany was working so it was pretty sweet. no one i called could speak my language though, which was a bitch. 

montreal this weekend to see jane<333 so excited.

CAMP SO SOON MAWFUCKAAAAAAAHZ.